Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Radical Sonosophical Honesty

Ello all. It’s Aunty Lyds here and I’ve been thinking about the arts and in particular a social experiment I like to call Radical Sonosophical Honesty. Think Eli Loker from “Lie To Me,” and our very own resident poet and artist, Alex Caldiero.

It started at the supermarket one evening, when I was at the deli. Both Loker and Caldiero had been on my mind and when the server asked how thick I wanted it, wide eyed I went off.
“I— I—Wan’ it THICK, I wan’ it so thick it’s still bleedin’, da’ss the only way to eat meat. To really experience it, to— to— to— to make— to make— it worth the consumption, I need ta HUNT it in the wild, and tear it off in strips from the still bleedin’ carcass of the animal that gave its LIFE so that I could LIVE.” Next thing I knew I was being escorted out of Target and told that my kind were not welcome, to which I replied, “I didn’t know it was illegal to keep a frozen sheep’s head in my knickers.” That was when the security guards started chasing me and I had to leg it quick smart.

You have to choose the right moments for radical sonosophical honesty. Like when your baby sitting your friends little nippers and they ask you to sing the alphabet, and trance-like, you say, “AH— Ah Beh—” Silence for a bit. “Ah beh cuh duh— EHH.” More silence. “Ah beh CUH duh EHH— Fuh Guh—“
“MOMMEEEE, ANT LYD’YUH USED A CUSS WORD.” Yeah, that’s exactly what the little sod screamed and I’m still trying to make it up to the mother who doesn’t believe that I didn’t use a ‘cuss’ word. I should coco.

As I was saying, you may not want to adopt this form of honesty at any old time, such as; meeting with bank personnel, giving a talk in church, teaching a lesson at church, actually using radical sonosophical honesty at any time whilst in a church building might not be wise. Believe me I found out the hard way. This one sund’y I was bearing testimony on the holy trinity and then…
“I BELIEVE. Oh oh— oh Jo SEPH. I feel you in that copse. I BE— I be— lieve— In a thing called luh— Luh— LOVE. Joseph was LOVE people. Made of love and SOW— love and Sow ow wow SOUND.” After five minutes of that I opened me eyes and that ward was givin’ me the dirts. Any one would have thought that I’d slapped Bishops wife in the face, from the looks I was getting.
Anyway, while my RSH might be a bit shifty in certain situations, it can be bladdy hilarious in social situations when you’re lookin’ to have a right bubble. You know? Bubble bath, laugh. So go buy your tickets to the Sonosopher and have a bubble all yer own. Laters all, Lay ya bum.

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