Give an R a chance.

Did you know I’m a film star? A while back, My friend Marcella and I were hanging with this wannabe Hammer Horror crowd, and we made some great films. My shining glory was a film called “Humps in the night.” I played this young thing who has a run-in with a succubus, who wanted to make me her incubus. Funny thing being, the succubus was a lesbian and my character was a tranny, oh the fun ‘n games, bless. It’s a classic, believe me. I was so good the director wanted me for sequels, but I had to pass. They wanted me to go all baps and danglies in front of the camera and Lydia Colt doesn’t de-robe for the public.

In honor of movies I’m going to give you a small list of movies I think everyone should see. Now, a little bird tells me that R rated movies are a no no here in the happy valley. Back in England we don’t have R rated movies, so just see these as 15’s or 18’s which in England delineates the age you have to be to watch these gems.

Shallow Grave. This was one of little Ewan McGregor’s first films and what a special it was. It had all my favorite things in it; sex, violence, money, horror, and a wicked ending you have to see to believe. Ewan you’re makin’ me tingly in the nethers again.

Four Weddings and a Funeral. If you’re not in love with this movie after the first 5 minutes of dialogue, Hugh, Andy and some wonderful script writing will surely win you over. I spent weeks trying to perfect Andy’s drawl, but I just sounded like a numpty. Say no more.

True Romance. My favorite Tarantino flick. True Love, oooh, Patricia is the cutest and Christian is just gorge. Each character just adds to the brilliance of this film. I just can’t say more about it. See this movie.

The Orphanage. A friend of mine actually went through a similar experience when she took over an orphanage in Spain. She’d adopted a little boy who ended up falling down the stairs and dieing, only it wasn’t in a secret basement and there were no ghosts and …actually that stories a bit less funny than I first intended. Just go watch it, it’s intelligent, atmospheric and shocking.

If none of these are doing it for you, you could always look up Humps in the night, in some bargain bin somewhere.
Laters all, Lav ya Bum.